Passageways
by twinklelightning
Summary: Lily and Sirius both uncover some secrets about each other, late at night in a secret passageway. Quick one shot.


Sirius Black was not a simple boy (Man?). Boy.

He was elegant and poised, with long, wavy-curly hair that brushed along the bottoms of his shoulders and tickled his armpits when he didn't have a shirt on. His movements were precise and he resembled a cat, no doubt beat into him at an early age from dear old Mummy.

He pranked with vigor and smiled shiny, straight teeth (also perfected early on by Mummy) at every given opportunity, choosing to land a detention in exchange for dancing with McGonagall at the Ball before holiday.

As enigmatic as Sirius was, he was bad at one thing.

"Evans?"

The girl looked up quickly, wiping her eyes furiously as the tall boy approached.

"What do you want, Black?"

She almost sounded _angry_ , like Sirius was the reason she was crying, her eyes green, green, green.

He had found her in one of the secret passageways in the castle, sobbing quietly into her robes. He was surprised at first, as it was after curfew and he recognized her trademark, deep red hair. Then, he molded into discomfort and sorrow as he realized the poor girl was knee-deep in snot and he had interrupted her cry-session.

"I-I was just passing through, I didn't know, I'm sorry…" Sirius rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, not sure what to say to the Prefect.

"Well, get on with it, would you?"

"Get-Get on with what?"

"Aren't you going to make fun of me for crying? Run off and tell the common room? See if little, ickle Jamesy-poo will come comfort me?"

"Er, no?" Sirius questioned, his mind moving a million miles an hour. "You know that Prongs likes you?"

"Of course I do, Sirius, don't you see the way he looks at me?" Lily asked this question as if the whole matter was simple, and it struck Sirius how beautiful she really was. Not just her looks (don't get him wrong, she _was_ beautiful), but her mind, the things she said were just… Lily. They weren't glamorous or always right, and honestly, sometimes she annoyed him to no end, but he truly understood why James was so enamored with the red-head.

"Well, he isn't too good at subtlety, is he?" Sirius sat down next to his classmate on the stone bench, looking at the wall with his legs spread out.

They sat in silence for a moment, simply listening to each other breathe. Sirius had quiet breathing, and even the air he exhaled seemed sorry to be parted from the boy. Lily was much louder, and Sirius wondered if she was a mouth breather when her nose wasn't completely stuffed, because that would be a deal breaker for him, personally. After a moments consideration, he realized that James was a mouth breather. He knew there was something he didn't like about him. Wanker.

"Sirius, not that this isn't completely enjoyable and a fantastic way to spend my Tuesday night, but why are you still here? I was a bit busy, you see," Lily said frankly, turning bright green to piercing gray, looking Sirius in the eye.

"Why are you crying?"

"It's no matter."

"It is if you were crying about it."

"I'm just being silly, Sirius, it's just a girl problem."

"Don't tell me it's just a girl problem, 'cause then you'd be upstairs telling Dorcas all about it. Instead, you're down in the passageway that no one ever goes into just so you'll be alone while you cry. So, what's up?"

They looked at each other in silence for a moment more while Lily thought. Sirius was patient, and he could wait for ages and ages as long as he got what he wanted. The two had never really conversed much; they had made small talk about school or she had berated them about trying to climb into the girls' dormitory at night, but never anything _big._ Not something like this.

"I won't tell anyone, you know. Not even James if you don't want me to. I understand that some things are better left a secret."

Maybe it was the pained expression on Sirius' face or the way his eyes seemed to drill straight through her, but Lily finally decided to open her mouth and speak.

"It's at home. The problems, I mean. I come here and my friends love me and James is after me and I feel _wanted_ and I feel _loved_ and Merlin, you're here speaking to me even though we never really have before just because you know I was upset. It's not like that at home," Lily began, seeming a bit nervous, so she was beating around the bush. Sirius let her.

"Getting my letter was so exciting, Sirius, it really was. I had the opportunity to come here and be who I really am and not feel… I don't know, sorry?"

"Sorry for what?" Sirius asked, and had turned to face her completely as she took a deep breath.

"To be a witch. To laugh too loud, to like watching things on mute on the telly so I can make up the story. To just… be me, really." Lily admitted, wringing her hands together. Sirius was silent.

"Dad died when I was young. He was my best friend, besides my sister, Petunia. God, I loved him so much. So much. He got lung cancer and he died so young, too young. I wasn't ready for it and neither was Tuney."

Sirius noted that there was a hand-rolled cigarette tucked behind his ear, and if he didn't know better, he would have labelled the moment ironic.

"And Mum was so broken for a while, but she got better. We all did cause that's how these things go, even though we knew something was missing. Then she started dating this new guy, this business guy from London. He moved in with us the summer that I got my letter."

Briefly, something flashed in her green eyes and Sirius just watched her, unsure of where she was going with her long backstory. Normally, he would usher the story along, but he decided that it was best to just let her talk.

"I met Se-Snape that summer. He told me it was okay to be a witch, that I wasn't a bad abnormal. Tuney stopped talking to me unless she was calling me a freak, and whenever I made magic happen she tattled on me to our mum."

"Mum hated magic. It reminded her of Dad so she tried to smother it out of me," Lily said quietly, tears swimming in her eyes again. "She was never right after Dad was gone, and I realized how much he kept us together. Anyways, she gave me this before I left because she really just didn't want me to go, she said magic would hurt me and it wasn't real."

Lily pulled her long, beautiful hair away from her neck, where there was faint, slight scars mottling the junction between her neck and her shoulder. Sirius didn't ask what her Mum had done, but he understood immediately.

"It's only gotten worse, Sirius. My stepdad – they're married now – has only added to it. He's an angry man and he drinks a lot and they fight so much cause he's just not _Dad_ and they both know that. So, he drinks and she forgets to take her anxiety meds and they argue. She looks for Tuney then realizes she's with that boy from her uni again, he's such a whale, by the way, and then gets mad cause she isn't home. It's so typical, the cycle, it kills me, Sirius."

Lily was speaking so quickly now, as if the words had hurt to keep them in for so long. He wondered if she had ever told anyone this before, and he believed that he was the first to hear this pained confession from the grand Lily Evans.

"I wish I could stay over summer so badly, just to escape the hurt. It hurts so bad. The hits and the kicks when I come home after curfew. When I talk about school other than 'it was alright this year!' it's just yelling and pain. I just want it to stop, you know?"

"Oh, Lily, I do know," Sirius said quietly, and he had begun to hold onto the willowy girl as she shook with tears once more.

"Do you think I've done something to deserve this? Am I a bad person? Tell me objectively, Sirius, I know you wouldn't lie." Lily's eyes seemed so eager, her face soft and drained of color.

Images of the girl flashed through his mind, hand raised high to answer a question in Potions and the same hand so quick to slip a dungbomb into his dormitory early in the morning. He saw her red hair like a halo around her head as she twirled down the hallway after the Prewett brothers, who had bet her a galleon she wouldn't do it for fear of embarrassment. He could almost taste her bravery, her stubbornness, and the wit, oh, the wit that matched Remus' perfectly. They went at it for hours, sometimes, but never in a mean way, and he knew that the kind Marauder had a soft spot for Evans in his heart.

"Lily, I'll have you know that you are simply _brilliant_ and have done no such thing to deserve this treatment. You are no Sirius Black, after all."

"Are you saying..?"

"I am."

"Oh, Siri, I'm sorry! Look at me crying all over you and you probably have endured so much worse!"

"Don't belittle yourself, Evans, it doesn't suit you." Sirius was unreadable, his eyes hazy. "We have a big difference, you and I, and that difference is that I am no good. You… you are so fantastic, everyone loves you just cause you're you and why wouldn't you want to be friends with kind Lily Evans? You're so magical, and no, I don't mean literally… okay, well, yes, I do mean it literally, but you get what I'm saying."

"Thank you, Sirius. This means a lot," Lily thanked him, her hands finding his. "I want you to know that you're plenty good."

"I appreciate you trying to convince me otherwise, but no one thinks I'm _good._ They see me and they fall at my feet, trying to please me, cause I'm Sirius fucking Black and I'm practically bleeding gold, and they ignore my wrongdoings since my family practically funds the school." Sirius sighs, clearly exasperated. "I wish they would see me as me and whether I'm good or not doesn't matter. I just want to be me and not Sirius Black."

"But you are Sirius Black."

"No, I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm Sirius Black but I don't want to be _Sirius Black_." Sirius rolled up his sleeves, baring his arms to Lily. She soaked up the circular burns and lengthwise cuts, perfectly straight and even and in row. She noted the scars on his fingers and inside of his elbows, hard to see if you didn't look for them.

"Dad smokes too, and when I don't wear the proper attire he just lets his hand… slip. Mum sees I'm talking Muggle Studies and lets me hear it and the family sits in big, cozy chairs while I just… scream."

"Parents suck, Pads."

"They really do. I wish James' parents were my parents and he was my real brother. They love James so much they can hardly see straight when he's around."

The duo sat still and quiet for a moment more, slightly envious and slightly something-else while thinking of the parents that their best friend/classmate had.

Lily stared hard at Sirius, at the scar through his eyebrow and the stubble across his face. She thought about him wearing skirts with his leather jacket and how he always had black nail polish on. She studied the piercing through his right nostril. His hair was always perfect, framing his handsome, angled face, or tossed haphazardly into a bun. She pictured him laughing, arm in arm with his friends, late for class again but still walking slowly, as if the moment would last forever.

"Sirius, don't worry, okay? You're not Sirius Black."

Sirius turned to look at her, his eyes wide.

"You're just you and you are beautiful."

He grinned then, flashing his teeth at her, and threw an arm around her lazily.

"Well, Evans, it looks as though we have something in common."

"Sirius, I think you might have gotten the wrong idea here…" Lily laughed, but remained under his arm all the same.

"Of course I didn't my dear, we're just simply close friends now and I can flirt with you anytime I like. James could learn a few things from me, he can't seem to speak whenever you show up. It's actually quite annoying, I'll have you know."

Lily smiled again, and Sirius knew that the two would end up together. It wasn't fate or destiny or anything, not even magic, it was just that the two were both magnets. They attracted people from all corners of the castle, no, the magical community, and it only made sense that they had attracted each other.

"What about you, Black? Who's the lucky lady you're pining after?" Lily asked, an eyebrow arched.

"No lady for me, lovely Lils. I am going stag this year," The boy grinned inwardly at the deer pun (he would just have to tell James about it later, he'd love it,) and shifted a little awkwardly.

"I think you're a straight liar, Sirius Black. Who is it? Do I know them, is that why you won't tell me? Is it embarrassing or something?" Lily hammered out questions, leaning towards Sirius.

"I- I mean, I guess, yeah, it's pretty embarrassing."

"Well, since we shared our childhood stories tonight, it seems only fair we keep the train rolling!"

"I don't know, Evans, only James knows…" Sirius was fidgeting now, which is something he hated, because he never fidgeted. It wasn't graceful enough for him.

"Even better! I'll keep it a secret, I promise."

"You'll judge me. You won't understand," Sirius admitted, finally looking the girl in the eye.

"I will _not_ judge you. How can someone who likes James Potter judge someone else's taste?" Lily giggled, but she relented all the same.

Soon, they walked hand-in-hand out of the passageway and towards the tower, content with each other's company.

Lily was confident in herself, relieved to have the weight off her chest and to be reassured that she was incredible and worthy of love.

Sirius was anxious and brooding. To be fair, he was always brooding, but tonight it was different. He couldn't get it out of his mind, and he wondered why he had so easily told Lily that his mother practiced Unforgiveables on him but he couldn't say the name of who he liked.

"Do you fancy me? Is that why you wouldn't tell me?" Lily asked after they had stopped speaking, which is a miraculous feat, seeing as they both talked off the ears of whoever they were with.

"Absolutely not. No offence, Red, but not my type." Sirius made a face, which Lily laughed at, but she looked relieved all the same.

"What is your type?"

"Nice try, but I'm still not telling you who it is," Sirius remained adamant, but after a moment of pleading, he finally gave a little. "Fine. Tall, quiet, kind. Can't be boring though, cause there's only so much small talk a man can take." ("Boy," Lily corrected in her mind.)

"Well, I really wish you would just te-"

"Sirius Black!"

They whipped around then, looking back at the voice that was yelling Sirius' name in the wee hours of the morning outside the Gryffindor tower.

"Sirius, what the hell?"

Remus was walking up now, an amused look on his face. He looked surprised to see him standing there, holding hands with Lily, but he did not comment on it. Instead, he studied Sirius' face, lingering on the dry tear tracks around his eyes. (For future reference, he denied that he had cried while Lily spoke to him in the passageway for years, until finally admitting it late at night once while he visited Lily and James in their new home.)

"Hullo, Moony, what's up?"

"What're you doing out so late? I was gonna ask if you wanted to come with me, but I couldn't find you, so I just went without you," Remus said, and Lily looked confused. Sirius wasn't however, as Remus faintly smelled of pot and they made night trips to smoke on the Astronomy Tower almost every night.

"I ran into Lily and we lost track of time. Sorry, mate," Sirius shrugged, shuffling his feet nervously. Lily looked down at his dancing feet and back up at Sirius' red face.

"Well, hey, hurry up soon, yeah? You're gonna be right tired tomorrow and I'll miss you again if you just wanna sleep instead of getting up with me," Remus laughed, punching Sirius on the shoulder. He muttered the password to the irate Fat Lady and started to step up through the portrait hole.

"Ha- yeah! Right!" Sirius stammered out, before turning to Lily. "Well, we should really turn in, huh?"

"Merlin's _balls_ Sirius!"

"What?"

"You fancy Remus!"

Panic flooded Sirius, and he tried to cover Lily's mouth, as she was yelling from her excitement.

"Shut up, Lily!"

"I'm so right! Oh my gosh ohmygosh, you're totally into Remus! _YOU FANCY REMUS!"_

"Lily!" Sirius whisper-yelled, " _Please_ be quiet!"

And then, in a cruel twist of fate, the portrait hole swung open once more, revealing a smirking Remus Lupin.

Sirius should be the poster boy for Vogue, he was so model-esque. He was cunning and absolutely brilliant in a mad way, complete with heavy, dark eyebrows and a jawline that could, quite frankly, cut someone if you touched it.

Sirius walked confidently, with a slight swing to his hips, and he sang quite loudly in French while he was drunk. It was still beautiful.

Most of all, Sirius was a complex _man_ and damn, Remus was in love with him.

Funnily enough, they both realized it after encountering a certain red-haired vixen late at night, all alone in the passageways. She was blindingly beautiful, and brilliant as well, and had just orchestrated the making of cutest couple of the year by simply shouting that one of them fancied the other.

A few years later, after James and Lily said their "I do's," Sirius Black punched Lily's mum straight in the nose. It broke immediately, and Sirius looked damn good doing it.

Lily was only a little mad.

(Only, not really.)


End file.
